Who Flung Poo?

By Raelle Clark

The room is filled with laughter and the loud creaking of chairs. The lights are bright on the faces of everyone sitting around the table. The DM, Seth, sitting at the head of the table behind his screen of folders, is laughing the hardest. It's DnD night in my garage and everyone is present.

Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) is a role playing game that my family and a few of my dad's friends get together at my house to play, where everyone has a sheet filled with character stats in front of them. Everyone then proceeds to pretend that that character is them and they are real. The game is set in medieval times and based on the roll of the dice (aka- the d20 system). The DM, or Dungeon Master, controls the game and makes up all the scenarios. He controls who does what and what is or isn't allowed.

Sitting to the left of Seth is my sister Larisa. She is sitting next to my dad, Jim, who is sitting next to Randy. Randy is sitting next to my sister Kaila, who is sitting next to Ryan. Ryan's eyes are wide as he glares at Scully and I from his seat next to me.

"Let me guess," he says, finally looking at Seth, "Mee and Yu put poop in my bed." His tone of voice sends everyone in the room into another fit of laughter that lasts a few minutes. Looking at Scully, I grin and give her a high-five as the laughter in the room begins to settle down.

"That's what you get!" Scully says, grinning again. Immediately, I begin to taunt Ryan and am quickly followed by Scully. I smile inwardly knowing we will never let him live this one down. Never! While Ryan's character, Rain, cleans up everyone else goes downstairs and orders some ale. At this moment, Scully and I decide that our characters, Mee and Yu, need a new drinking song.

Thinking back on our other adventures, I realize that in this campaign Scully and I actually have a role to play. It must have something to do with our halfling barbarians, Mee and Yu. (Scully thought it would be funny to name our characters commonly used words because it would be funny and it would force everyone to refer to themselves in the third person, so far it is working.)

Mee and Yu are mirror image twin brothers, 3-1/4 feet tall. They were orphaned at birth and raised in a temple after their parents were killed. They never knew their parents or anything about them. They can neither read nor write and they speak very little English. Their purpose is to kill, they like to kill.

In this particular session, we are trying to figure out why Ogatha's water supply is being cut off and how. So far, Watergate, the fortress we are currently staying at, has given us nothing to go off of. No leads and nothing to do means free time.

After about an hour of thinking and drinking for Mee and Yu, Scully and I become bored. Mee and Yu have to do something! Scully leans over the folders to Seth and tells him our plan to escape the tavern. We are going to sneak out.

"You make it outside. It is dark and quiet," Seth says after a moment of thought. "You see no one."

"Pick a direction," I say to Scully, "left or right?"

"Um. right."

"You find yourselves in a dark alley smelling faintly of garbage." Seth informs us.

"Mee and Yu slip down the alleyway, hiding in the shadows. We are looking for entertainment," I say.

"Alright, Mee and Yu find themselves looking out into a round courtyard swarming with soldiers dressed in full uniform. They all seem to be revolving around a mean looking Dwarf with a really long, brown beard and a huge axe. He is wearing a captain's insignia and is barking orders like there is no tomorrow."

"We still have some 'Ammo' left," I say, looking Scully in the eye. She grins and together we say our mischief line while trying not to laugh.

"Mee," I say, looking at her and nodding.

"Yu," she says in return, nodding as well.

"Yes!" we giggle together, throwing our hands up in the air in triumph. This always means Mee and Yu have an idea no one else will like, which usually means trouble.

"Oh no, what have I done?' Seth asks himself, shaking his head as we smile innocently at him. "All right, position yourselves," he says with a sigh.

There are plenty of shadows for our characters to hide in, so we each pick a side of the courtyard. Using our telepathy, we position ourselves on either side of the area, aim, and let our ammo fly at the same time. The dwarf captain is our target, he is unsuspecting and that makes it easy.

"Roll to hit," Seth reminds us as we pick up our dice and toss them onto the table. Seth looks at our rolls, calculates the total, and smiles mischievously. "Your ammo goes flying through the air and hits each other." Oh man, this could ruin our fun, especially if we get caught. Seth makes a quick roll of his own and informs us that amazingly, no one notices.

Want to try again? Mee asks Yu, speaking telepathically.

Of course, Yu replies in the same fashion.

We watch as the horse poop we had gathered earlier goes in a beeline for our target. SPLAT! We hit him on both sides of his face. Everyone in the courtyard is surprised and stops what they are doing to look at their captain. You can tell by the look on the dwarf's face, as he wipes poop off himself, that he is shocked and very angry.

Our DnD partners, sitting around the table listening, can't help but laugh or sigh as they listen to what we have done. They all come to the conclusion we are dead halflings and won't live to see the light of day, but that doesn't make it any less funny to them.

Mee and Yu can't help but laugh at the mischief they have caused and at the obvious anger of their target. They realize too late that the courtyard amplifies their mirth and immediately allows the Captain to home in on their position.

"GET THEM!" he yells, pointing in the directions of the two halflings. This could get real ugly, I realize as Seth describes in great detail what happens next.

"The two of you take off in different directions, away from the soldiers. They split up into two groups of three. It doesn't take them long to catch up to you." He goes on to explain that Yu is knocked out and tossed over a shoulder while Mee is cornered and drug back to the Captain, who decides to throw us out of the city.

As Mee and Yu arrive at the inn to gather their stuff, their companions, still sitting in the common room drinking, take notice of the entourage of soldiers and are immediately confused. The Captain takes that moment to inform the others of our actions and the consequences. No one can believe what they are hearing and quickly pack up their own gear to accompany us out of the city. It is a long and humiliating walk to the city gates, one full of stares and catcalls from the soldiers.

We survived that ordeal and lived to tell about a few more, but as I look back on everything, I realize that all the practical jokes and creative settings helped us form a bond beyond normal friendship. It helped us to see inside each other, beyond the barrier each of us sets up around us. It allowed us all to let go of the world we live in and enter one where anything is possible. Above all, this one action provided us all with the laugh of a life time and the memory of a great journey and even better friends.